Celia on Brexit, A New Show, and How Tiny Children Are Laughing At Johnson.

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1. New show coming to the planet tomorrow (Wednesday 6th November 2019)

At last, the new podcast ‘Wife On Earth’, as part of Cosmic Shambles Network, is ready and will be available tomorrow morning at 9am.

It’s very exciting.

I was a bit apprehensive, in case it’s too surreal or not accessible enough but then my Nan said I mustn’t let fear stop me doing things and she’s right, what’s the worse that can happen? It’s completely ignored. Or causes great offence. Or I slip and bang my hip and have to ask neighbours to look out for me next time I head for the bus.

Here’s the logo designed by my friend Pete Fowler based on the photo by James Bellorini. 

Science.

The show’s first episode is about Science, and reviews The Planets, the book by Professor Brian Cox and Andrew Cohen. It stars Robin Ince, Ben Crompton, Alastair Kerr, Anna Crilly and Chris Sloman, who are all brilliant and very funny. It’s set in a library and is meant to be a book group, but repressed housewife Celia gets derailed by daydreaming. Here is Celia.

Photo by Steve Ullathorne

And here is musician, Centre Partin’ Martin who provides musical stings.

Photo = Mrs Martin Of Lower Upping

And here’s a link to Hedluv who wrote the contentious Casio Keyboard opening number, under the guise of neighbour Louis.

And finally a word from Celia the ordinary housewife who’s been landed with the responsibility of doing a podcast.

2. Celia’s Brexit Diary, what with the Election Approaching.

Hello, Celia here. I’m just an ordinary woman.

I am almost completely uninterested in Brexit. It is simply an ugly word. (I’m sorry but whichever way you voted, or didn’t vote, you have to admit, it’s a real stinker of the old vocab. It’s up there with Boppit, holibobs and pangry). Perhaps the Oxford dictionary will include Brexit (if they haven’t already, I didn’t bother to research) and we can finally find out for ourselves exactly what Brexit means.

I trust the Oxford Dictionary will be impartial I don’t want to find it’s been trumped up by a Leave voter or defined sarcastically by a remain or ignored completely by one of the millions of non voters.

You can tell who voted for what by people’s reactions to different sentences. Their eyes either cloud over or sparkle with fury and passion like a foreigner. The non voters simply arch one eyebrow and smirk inwardly, like this (please picture it, I can’t afford to come to every home to recreate it).

Let’s try it. These were all overheard at Toxborough Fruit and Veg after the vote. How do these sentences make you feel?

“What’s the difference between Spanish and Chinese garlic apart from size, price and taste?”

“At least when we leave Europe, we will make better headway in terms of protecting the environment, they’re holding us back.”

“I hope air travel doesn’t rocket.”

“Well I hope it does, I’ve always wanted to go into space.”

“At least when we leave Europe, they will make better headway in terms of protecting the environment, we’re holding them back.”

“I’ve never been to France. I hear they hate English puddings.”

“Have you never been to a French pattiserie?”

“Well, some children have never even seen a tomato Oliver, be glad you don’t live in a European city or London.”

“What’s a tomato oliver? Is it like a bath oliver?”

“Only the one in Brighton and they made me feel like an idiot because I couldn’t pronounce Pain Au Raisin”.

‘It’s the name of my son’.

“I just pointed at it and said the swirly whirly one please, with dots on it”.

“£18.55”.

We’re hoping Fred’s brother Frank will be forced to move back from France due to Brexit. We miss him terribly. Originally I preferred Frank to Fred! He’s now an architect in the French Riviera. Please listen to my podcast ‘Wife On Earth.’ Goodbye.

So, what intriguing sentences have you overheard about the subject that hardly anyone was bothered about until recently?

3. Here’s a beach scene to calm your nerves.

Photo by Edward Moore

In Brighton, England, Five Year Old Children Are Laughing At Boris Johnson.

On Sunday, I did my show at Komedia in Brighton. It’s a children’s show, it was originally meant to be a celebration of the seaside, and a damning indictment against the fashion for having hermit crabs as pets.

But now it’s just a series of stupid voices and a joke about Rick Stein*.

Except on Sunday, I did an ad lib joke about Boris Johnson, and the tiny children laughed.

This photo above is from the show. There’s no real connection to the Celia podcast except me being in both, and both having been co-written with Joseph Nixon.

The end.

I hope you like the podcast. I hope so.

* = it’s much more than this, I was just trying to make you interested by doing the anti sell. Please feel free to book this hilarious and heartfelt show that is lovely indeed.